Show Her You Can Dance
by Raydis
Summary: Joker had always admired Commander Shepard. He just didn't realize how much. Or that she felt the same. Spoilers from ME1/2 Shameless FemShepxJoker. Rating changed due to language usage. R&R Please!  Chapter 10 in the works but VERY slow going
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is my first Mass Effect fanfic. Actually, this is my first fanfic ever that I've decided to publish. R/R greatly appreciated :)

Usual disclaimers: Mass Effect and all characters including the blank slate Shepard belong to Bioware.

* * *

_His eyes darted across the console, something wasn't right in the readings. Every scan made came up with unknowns. The mystery ship left a feeling in the pit of Joker's stomach. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong._

_"Cruiser has changed course. Now on intercept trajectory."_

_"Can't be! Stealth systems are engaged," Pressly countered. "There's no way a Geth ship could possibly-"_

_"It's not the Geth! Brace for evasive maneuvers!" Joker's hands darted across the controls in a desperate attempt to dodge the oncoming attack. He had made the _Normandy_ dance out of danger, he could do it again. There was no way this new enemy could tell him otherwise. At least that's what he told himself. Trying to keep his nerve, Joker barked status reports and orders to anyone nearby. Only when no one answered him, did Joker look back and finally realize the scope of the damage done to his beautiful ship. The only thing between him and oblivion were the kinetic barriers sealing off the cockpit from the rest of the CIC._

_Everything from that point on was a blur. He didn't even notice his stubborn refusal to leave the ship when Shepard ordered him to. It took her grabbing his arm, and embarrassingly enough an arm around his waist to hold him up, to get him to leave the chair. Even as urgent as escape was, he could feel her gentleness in helping him to the escape pod. Shepard helped him into the pod and was about to jump in herself when an explosion behind her caught her attention for a quick second. It was enough for her to lose her balance and get thrown back from the pod. Joker reached out in desperation for her, calling for her to come back. He screamed out her name as she reached for the release button, separating the two of them._

_The _Normandy_ fell apart in fire and debris as Joker desperately searched for the commander. He slammed his fist against the hull of the pod and forced back a sob. As he slid down the side of the pod, all he could mutter was, "I'm sorry. Jenna, I'm so sorry..." _

_Then a voice whispered in his ear. "Joker?" It was his name being called. The voice was quiet at first, barely above a whisper, gaining volume each time he strained to hear it. "Joker..."_

"Joker!"

Joker jumped out of his sleep with a rather startled yelp before looking over and finding Shepard looking over him with a slight grin on her face. The pilot grumbled and adjusted his hat before looking over the systems on his console. "How long have you been standing there?" he asked with a quick glance her way.

"Long enough." A devious spark flickered in Shepard's green eyes. "You talk in your sleep, you know." Joker felt a sudden heat gather in his face as he furrowed his brow. "Must have been a very interesting dream for you to mumble that much," she teased.

In an attempt to curve the attention he was getting away, Joker coughed and quickly shook his head. "How's Garrus doing?" It wasn't that he was worried the Turian wouldn't be fine, he just wanted to find something else to talk about other than his nightmares.

Shepard looked back towards the galaxy map and sighed. "He'll be fine. His face will be scarred to hell and back, but his resilience never ceases to amaze me." Joker stole a glance up at her and noticed that even with the knowledge that Garrus would be fine, worry still found its way to her features. It wasn't a look of pity, but pure worry for someone she really cared about. That look was something that reminded him that she was human, but he also hated it at the same time. He was used to the calmer, almost carefree commander. Joker had seen that look once before and he didn't need another reminder of a time long gone.

"Does he still have that pole up his ass?" he quipped. Shepard's face fell into disbelief for a moment before a hand shot up to muffle the chuckle that escaped.

"You are a terrible person, you know that?" she laughed.

"Yes, well, as terrible as I am, you just can't seem to get rid of me now can you?" Shepard shook her head, still laughing. Joker stretched his arms out and shifted in his seat slightly and looked up at her with a grin. "Where to, Commander?"

Shepard closed her eyes slightly and brought her hand up to her chin in a mock look of deep thought. "I think it's time we pick up the Krogan in my set of dossiers. Set a course for Krolus."

Joker rolled his eyes and punched a few keys. "Great, just what we need. Promise me there will be no head-butting this time?"

"Not my fault you decided to get drunk and insult Wrex, flyboy. Although, it was entertaining enough, I would enjoy seeing that again." Shepard patted Joker on the shoulder and started to walk away.

The pilot scoffed at her and shook his head. "Thank you ever so much, Commander. I'll remember this next time you need something."

Shepard stopped and looked over her shoulder. "Oh, and Joker? You're going to have to tell me what that dream was considering you mumbled my name." Joker's cheeks burned as he looked up from his console. "Several times." Now his ears burned.

He grabbed the bill of his hat with both hands and forcefully pulled it down over his eyes.

_Shit..._


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: If I'm being vague on the missions then I'm doing my job. Honestly, if you really want to nitty gritty details on missions, play Mass Effect 2. Trust me, it's well worth your time. I may do more action later on, but I really...._REALLY_ suck at that. This one ended up being a long longer than I intended, but oh well. I had fun writing it.

Once again, Mass Effect and all it's parts belong to Bioware.

* * *

A part of Joker missed the days where he could drop the Mako on planets so Commander Shepard could drive it through the terrain, albeit badly. The Mako drops and pickups always gave him something to look forward to between missions. But now, the new _Normandy_ was just too big for such drops. The pilot resigned himself to just monitoring the ground team through his console. Joker brought up the monitors for Shepard, Garrus, and Miranda. Each one gave reports on vital signs, thermal clip usage, as well as an onboard camera. Where the hell Miranda had hers attached was beyond Joker nor did he care to find out.

The pilot forced out a sigh and leaned against his hand as he propped his arm up on the chair. The day's earlier embarrassment was still fresh in his mind. He'd been caught sleeping at the helm before, no one bothered him about that since moving about the ship was difficult for him. It was the whole getting caught mumbling in his sleep part that annoyed him. Especially when Shepard was involved.

_Awesome, now she thinks your a nut._

_She's always thought you were a nut. But now she's going to be suspicious of you every time she catches you looking in her direction._

_...It's not like she doesn't make her presence known. For an Infiltrator, she's rather loud._

_Shepard only does that because the last time she scared the shit out of you, you popped your ankle kicking the footwell. Which was brilliant, by the way._

_Shut up, jackass._

Joker blinked a moment and then ran his hand down his face. _Great, I'm berating myself. I might as well diagnose myself with schizophrenia I keep this up..._

"Normandy, _Okeer's a no-go." _Shepard's voice cut into Joker's self-induced argument, grabbing his attention.

"So, no Krogan for this run? That's a damn shame, Shepard. I know you were looking forward to having me knocked out again!"

_"Keep it up, wise ass, and I'll knock you out myself. We don't have Okeer, but we have a package that needs retrieval. And he's a big one..."_

Shepard wasn't kidding when she said the package was big. It took five of the crew to make sure it made it to the port cargo hold intact. After releasing the tank-bred krogan, Shepard was greeted to being slammed against the wall, forcefully gave her newest crew member who was now called Grunt a reason to serve under her, and proved she was willing to do what it took to get his cooperation by placing a pistol at his unarmored belly. Just another typical day on the _Normandy_. She was rubbing her bruised collarbone as she approached the cockpit, and in his usual fashion, Joker swiveled the chair to greet her.

He raised a questioning eyebrow before giving her the once over. "You collect stray cats as a kid, because we really needed a mega krogan...so thanks for bringing him home!"

Shepard glared at him and continued to rub the ever forming bruise in an attempt to make it magically disappear. "Oh shut up." She gave up working the bruise and stepped up close to the helm and looked out the viewport. Joker turned back to his station and started to tap keys and holographic buttons. "You know, when I was a kid, I always thought that someday I'd get off that rock I called home. Never thought I'd see the day I'd miss it," she sighed.

Joker looked over at her. _Well that was random._ He chuckled and nudged her with his elbow. "Homesick, Commander?"

"Hmm-wha?"

"You, talking about missing Earth. I was wondering if you were homesick? Because I can take you back home if you want."

The Commander gave a light laugh and put a gentle hand on Joker's shoulder. "Thanks for the offer Joker, but I think I'm already home."

It was moments like these that he missed the most. At first she was so distant from anyone, giving her an almost cold demeanor. Everyone blamed it on her upbringing, or lack there of considering she grew up with no parents, and Akuze. Even Joker thought all he would get out of her was the occasional order on what to do or where to go, but she surprised him. Over time she started to open up to the crew and got to know them. But what surprised him the most was she opened up to him the most. She said she was drawn to his wit and his sarcasm matched her own. Scuttlebutt on the ship went so far to say that they were pushing the bounds of fraternization, but Shepard was always there to shoot it down. She made sure everyone knew she was bound to her duty. That didn't stop her from enjoying her pilot's company though.

Joker gave an involuntary sigh that brought Shepard back to reality and she noticed her hand was lingering on his shoulder. A slight tinge of pink gathered on her cheeks as she jerked her hand back. "Set a course for the Citadel, Joker."

"Going to visit some old friends?"

Jenna ran a hand through her shoulder length black hair and sighed. "Sort of. I got a message from Cap..er...Councilor Anderson. I've got a feeling Cerberus leaked that I'm alive."

_Big surprise there, _Joker thought.

"That and Gardner gave me a list of things we could use in the Mess. Lord knows I could use a decent meal before I throw my life on the line." She paused for a moment. "Again. Besides, we've all been cramped on this ship for nearly three weeks. I think some shore leave is in order."

Joker didn't let his happy little cheer out when she mentioned shore leave, but he let his massive grin show at the mention of getting high quality ingredients on the ship. There was only so much one could take with military grade rations. "Have I mentioned that I love you?"

Shepard rolled her eyes at him. "Eyup. Just about every time I let you get away with something stupid. Just get us to the Citadel, flyboy."

* * *

Judging by how quickly Commander Shepard stomped past the cockpit and to the elevator, Joker assumed her meeting with Anderson didn't go well at all. Garrus shook his head as he passed the pilot. "That bad?"

The turian sighed and shrugged his shoulders. "It went as well as could be expected. The council still has their heads so far up their asses, I'm surprised anything gets done at all. Anderson is basically useless regarding anything." Joker scoffed and rolled his eyes. "They did reinstate her Spectre status as a show of good faith, but it that was about it. The council doesn't trust her because of her ties with Cerberus and even went so far as to accuse her of treason. Anderson was able to sideline the accusation, but it really pissed her off."

"Well no shit. It's not exactly a secret to anyone that she hates her ties to Cerberus considering what they've done to her in the past," Joker retorted.

Garrus nodded in agreement. "I wouldn't be surprised if this is the last time we come to the Citadel after this. Not that I mind." He tilted his slightly forward as goodbye to the pilot before leaving Joker alone in the cockpit. Joker gave his usual sarcastic goodbye before turning back to his console. He gave a quick glance behind him trying to decide if he should bother finding Shepard then thought better of it. She would just shrug him off like everyone else that tried to console her. He figured it be better to just let her work off her frustrations on her own.

After a few hours, a pang of hunger crawled its way into Joker's stomach forcing him to abandon his station and hobble down to the mess. With everyone taking advantage of the shore leave, the _Normandy_ was quiet leaving Joker to believe he was on his own for finding food. Much to his surprise, a tantalizing aroma drifted into the elevator as he reached the third deck. As he rounded to the mess hall, Joker was surprised to see Shepard sitting at a table staring at data pads with a bowl in front of her and...

_Chopsticks hanging from her mouth? Now if that isn't the cutest damned thing I've seen her do._ Joker mentally slapped himself for thinking of the Commander and cute in the same sentence. He quickly fell back into his sarcastic grin and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Not only can she save the galaxy from the greatest threat known to all sapient life, but she can cook to boot! Next you'll be telling me you can belt out old show tunes like this was Old Broadway!"

Jenna glanced up at him with a none too amused look on her face and cocked an eyebrow. "Just for that comment you can get your own, smartass." Joker chuckled at her response and dug out a bowl for himself then stopped as he looked at what she made. He looked back at her with a question on his face and she just responded with a look of 'what?', chopsticks still hanging from her mouth. Shepard rolled her eyes and grumbled. "Oh for crying out loud, Joker, it's not going to kill you. It's just ramen, good god."

"Just making sure," he said, dishing out his own helping. "Last time you mentioned cooking, I faintly remember you saying it involving a toaster and a fire extiguisher." The pilot laughed as she grumbled a shut up and her cheeks turned pink. He took a seat across from her and propped his head on his hands. "So, want to talk about it?"

"No."

"You sure?" Shepard growled at him. Joker raised his hands in defense. "Okay, okay. Dropping it." The two sat in silence for a moment before a question floated to his mind. "What was that about you missing Earth earlier?"

Shepard looked up at him this time without the glare, but with an almost sad look in her emerald green eyes. Joker almost regretted asking until she spoke up. "It's Ray's birthday..." she trailed off.

Joker tilted his head to the side slightly in confusion. "Who?"

For some reason this was hard for Jenna. Joker was always there for her to talk to about anything, but talking about her past was difficult. She bit her lower lip for a second and looked away. "My sister, Rayna."

"...I didn't know you had a sister."

"No one did. Rayna died when I was a kid." Shepard sighed and pushed her bowl away. "She was the only family I had left when my parents..."

Joker shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He understood this was a difficult subject for her, but he also felt comforted by the fact that she confided in him. Her trust in him left him with a warm feeling he couldn't explain. But seeing her in a state of near despair about tore him apart, so he tried to turn the subject into a more welcoming memory. "So, this sister of yours. She took care of you?"

Jenna nodded her head, a slight smile creeping on her lips. "She was four years older than me. Even though we both ended up in the 10th street Reds, Ray still made sure I stayed out of trouble. Well, trouble that was too much for me to handle. And she made it damn clear that even though I was in the Reds, that I wasn't going to waste my life with them."

"Wait a minute, you both joined a gang with the intention of leaving?"

"Yeah, so? We were on our own with no parents and no place to really go. The streets of Beijing weren't exactly kid friendly. We found shelter with what we could. The Reds took us in." Now Joker was interested in her story. He lazily rested his head on one hand and let her continue on. There was a spark that seemed to light up Shepard's eyes as she recalled her sister and all the trouble they got into from minor hacking to the return of the toaster on fire story. He still had a hard time believing someone could set a toaster on fire with a pastry, but Shepard insisted she did it. As she continued on, though, her tone started to become more serious.

"Rayna enlisted in the Alliance when I was 14. She made me promise that I would do the same when I was old enough. It was the only thing really that would save either of us from the life we led." Jenna dropped her gaze to the table. "I was ready to make good on my promise until I got a letter from the Alliance two years later." She clenched her hands as she recalled that memory. "Rayna had been sent to Mindoir. She..."

Almost instinctively, Joker reached out for her hand. It wasn't a show of pity or to coddle her, but a gesture to let her know he was there. Shepard look up at their hands for a moment and then at him. She gave him a warm smile before slipping her hands out of his and getting up.

"I should probably get some sleep." He watched her slowly start to walk away before she stopped and turned back slightly. Her eyes shifted from side to side for a moment. "I haven't talked about Rayna in a long time. Thanks for listening." Jenna gave him a quick smile. "Of all the people who I've considered friends in my life, you're the best, Joker."

"Anytime, Commander." With that she left him alone in the mess hall. Joker sighed and hung his head. _She still considers me her best friend. Even though it's my fault she..._ He looked up and forced out a breath. _...Just a friend._


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! I'm glad people are liking this :)

I had too much fun writing that argument. Yes, I know poking fun at Joker's ailment isn't fair. But in my little world, those two have enough trust in each other to know when it's not being used maliciously.

"cánfèi lu" roughly translate into "crippled jackass" in Mandarin. And if you couldn't tell, Shepard is at least half Chinese.

Once again, Mass Effect and all it's parts belong to Bioware.

* * *

Shepard made her way to the cockpit on near instinct as her attention was glued to her new Kuwashii Visor. She was suited up in her gloss black armor in preparation for the latest dossier pickup, a convict going only by the name Jack. She went over the dossier in her head as she prodded a small screwdriver at her visor, mumbling incoherent thoughts to herself. Her ramblings caught Joker's attention, who looked over at her with a critical eye.

"You do know that we have an armory for this sort of thing, right?" the pilot queried.

Jenna glanced over at him for a second and went back to working on the piece of equipment. "What, you don't like my company anymore?"

"It's not that. I just don't want to be near you when that thing explodes," he cringed pointing at the visor.

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Joker, please. I know how to take care of my own gear. Besides, I've taken apart enough terminals to know what a circuit board looks like." A look of triumph played across her features when she finally got the result she was looking for and put the visor back on her head. Joker noticed that the data flowing up the small screen looked different than what it had originally did. He quirked an eyebrow at her.

"What did you do to that thing?"

"Hmm? Oh, this." Shepard just shrugged and focused her attention on it. "I changed the language interface. Galactic common may be the standard, but it's just so...long. Kaishu is quick, easy, and to the point. One word, one character."

Joker looked up at her in disbelief. "Wait, what? You reprogrammed it to read in Chinese?" He looked her up and down. "Are you trying to get me to prod at your ethnic stereotypes?"

Jenna gave him an innocent grin and turned her attention back to the helm. "How long until we reach the _Purgatory_?"

His hands danced across the panel for a moment, capturing Shepard's attention. It amazed her that he could make sense of the jumble of numbers and buttons. Joker noticed her watching and gave a grin as he pulled up a screen showing the stats of the ship they approached. "We're about 20 minutes out, Commander." He glanced up at her, the glowing orange of her scars catching his attention. "You know, you'll fit right in with the populace with those scars of yours." Shepard gave him an appalled look and snorted. "I'm just saying you could get rid of those scars with Chakwas' equipment."

"I'm not going to divert resources that could be used in more critical areas just to get rid of a few scars. Besides, the doc also said that they would go away on their own if I just keep being myself. I can make sounding like a bitch rather nice and cozy." Shepard stood triumphantly as Joker gave her an incredulous look. She let out a sharp laugh as she knocked his hat over his eyes. "See you in a few minutes, flyboy."

"You sure about that?"

Jenna looked over her shoulder as she walked away. "I'm just going to get a convict out of cryostasis. What could go wrong?" she answered with a wink.

* * *

Jenna glared at the empty cell block and ran her hand down her face. "You have got to be shitting me. Remind me to shoot myself the next time I say 'What could go wrong?' ever again."

The warden's voice cracked over the intercom. "_My apologies, Commander. You're more valuable as a prisoner than a customer. Drop you weapons and proceed into this empty cell. You will not be harmed."_

Commander Shepard sneered at the audacious request. She grabbed her sniper rifle and pulled the bolt back, chambering a thermal clip. "Go to hell! I'll send you there myself!" Jenna quickly commanded Grunt up front and Garrus behind him while she took over behind the farthest desk. Her breaths came out in slow deep drawls as she carefully set the scope on her target. A quick squeeze of the trigger and the nearest Blue Suns merc was dropped. With each mercenary that dropped, the team moved closer to the control room. Shepard didn't even bother with using her rifle to deal with the remaining worker in the room. She just waltzed in and pulled her pistol out. Before the weapon had a chance to completely open up, Shepard pulled the trigger killing the man.

Her two companions jogged to catch up with her as she glanced over the control mechanism. "That's going to open every door on the cellblock!" Grunt shrugged his massive shoulders. "How else are we going to get Jack out?"

Shepard forced out a breath and hovered her hand over the control panel. _Never an easy job._ "I'm doing it. Be ready." A few keystrokes and a massive arm came to life lifting the sealed pod that was stored below the floor. The YMIR Mechs guarding the pod moved into a defensive position as the pod was pulled up from the floor. Shepard strained to see the form in the cloud of vapor, then raised an unbelieving eyebrow. There below them was a young woman, not much bigger than herself. She was covered head to torso in tattoos. Her chest barely covered by a belt.

Grunt snorted and looked down at the pod. "Jack is small."

"No, shit." Jenna narrowed her eyes as Jack started to stir. Her eyes widened when the very small woman pulled her metal restraints apart and charged headfirst into the three mechs, succeeding in causing one to explode. Shepard stumbled back in surprise as the shock wave shook the room above. "Holy shit!"

A feral laugh came from the young krogan as he pumped his shotgun. "Oh this I've got to see. Come on!" he urged.

And so begun the merry chase across the prison ship after the crazed biotic. Every time Shepard thought they were getting close, the three were greeted with panicked prisoners and angry merc guards. Even more irritating, one of the prisoners managed to whittle down the infiltrators shielding as she tried to find cover. Just before her shields were able to recover, a round from one of the ship's YMIR mechs ripped through the ceramic armor in her leg. Shepard was able to stabilize the wound with medigel, but it did nothing to help her already dwindling mood.

As they caught up to Jack, Shepard had about enough running around. She shot the guard stalking up on the convict that seemed more interested in trying to tear the _Normandy_apart from where she stood than what was going on around her. The two women glared at each other for a moment before Shepard holstered her pistol.

"What the hell do you want?" Jack sneered.

Jenna's jaw dropped a second before she growled back in response, "I just saved your ass!"

Jack looked at the dead merc behind her. "He was already dead. He just didn't know it. Now, what the hell do you want?"

_Urge to shoot. Rising._ "I'm Commander Shepard, and I'm here to get you off this ship."

"I'm not going anywhere with you. You're Cerberus."

_Urge reaching critical levels._ "Look, I'm offering to be your friend. You don't want to be my enemy."

"They have a way with dying," Garrus added.

Jack scoffed at them and crossed her arms across her bare chest. "You show up in a Cerberus frigate to take me away somewhere. You think I'm stupid?"

_...Yes._ "This ship is going down in flames and I've got the only way out. I'm _offering_ to take you with me, and you're arguing?" Shepard's patience was starting to wear thin. She almost took Grunt up on his suggestion to just shoot her and patch her up on the ship. Or just leave her in the burning wreckage. She was about to throw her hands up and leave until Jack came up with a compromise.

"I bet your ship's got lots of Cerberus databases. I want to look at those files. See what Cerberus has got on me."

_FINALLY! I can get off this god forsaken boat. Miranda's going to have a field day with this._ "I'll get you full access."

Jack pointed an accusing finger at Shepard. "You better be straight up with me!" Jenna nodded in agreement. "Then why the hell are we standing here?"

Shepard clenched her jaw in an attempt to keep her temper in check and waved the team back to the ship. Sure enough Miranda was there to greet her, eyes blazing with fury when she found out the end of the deal. Shepard growled at her to go wait in the debriefing room for her and limped through the airlock.

Joker rotated his chair around and tapped the arms. "Okay, Shepard, glad your back, but keep your eye on that last one. We can only hold so much crazy here," he snorted.

Jenna caught the hint of irritation in his voice and stopped. "What the hell's your problem?"

The pilot glared at the spot where the AI, EDI, resided. "This thing keeps questioning my every move. It won't let anything slide!" he complained.

"You were deliberately falsifying maintenance reports, Mr. Moreau," EDI countered.

"Not falsifying, tweaking. I always round up on task times. Makes us look good when we come in under," Joker shot back.

Shepard growled and shook her head, dragging her gloved hand down her face. "What is this, high school? Both of you, find something better to do with your time!" she snapped.

"Of course, Shepard. It is a minor issue," EDI apologized.

"With a nuclear response..." the pilot snorted.

"Joker!"

"Shutting up now, Commander!"

"Yeah, you better."

Joker was going to let the issue go until she said that. He glared at Shepard and leaned forward a bit. "What did you just say?"

Jenna matched his heated glare with one of her own and crossed her arms in defiance. "You don't want to have this argument with me. I just chased a maniac through convicts out to kill anything that moved."

"Oh, and you think _I_ was having the time of my life here on the ship?! I had to put this whole place on lock down to keep those crazies from getting on board and hijacking it!"

"At least you didn't have some asshole trying to tell you that you were more valuable as a prisoner than a customer and stuff you into an empty cell!" Jenna shouted, stomping her good leg and straightened herself up.

Joker growled and clenched the armrest hard, pulling himself up out of the chair. Cerberus did have it's perks for him. If he attempted to get up as fast as he did two years ago, it would have resulted in a trip to the infirmary. "That's your own damned fault for saying 'what could go wrong?' before leaving!"

Inside her mind, Jenna was surprised that he got up and stood against her. She never noticed it before since when he did get up Joker was hunched on crutches, but he was much taller than she was. Jenna would have admired that fact if it weren't for the two egos that were now going head-to-head. "Oh, so you want to play this game?! At least I can get off the ship!"

"I could leave this ship if I damned well felt like it. But why should I when every time _you_ step outside, something goes awry?!"

"Commander Shepard, Mr. Moreau, this my not be the suitable time for this discussion..." EDI's voice cut through the two of them.

"Shut up, EDI!" they both yelled at it.

Shepard took a step closer to her pilot, sizing him up. "Something does not always go awry when I go ashore."

"Bullshit! Every single time you go ashore, you come back pissed off about something. You can't even get off this ship to go _dancing_, if you want to call it that, and not have something go wrong!"

"At least I _can_ dance! Making an ass of myself on the dance floor is better than sitting out moping at some table!"

Joker's eyes widened in disbelief before his glare returned. His hands balled into tight fists. "You did not just go there."

"And why not?! You started it you_ cánfèi l__ǘ_!"

"I did not!" the pilot countered, his voice jumping an octave. "And making my translator glitch with your omnitool is cheating!" Jenna gave him a triumphant grin. He snorted at her, and was about to counter when he noticed that she was favoring her left side. Joker looked down at her leg and back up at her with a none too pleased look on his face. "Commander, you mind not bleeding all over my floor?"

Shepard gave him a confused look then noticed that he was pointing at the point where her armor was ripped through. She rolled her eyes and started to limp away but not before shooting over her shoulder, "This isn't over."

Joker grinned at her and crossed his arms. "Is that what you told the toaster before you set it ablaze with a poptart?"

Jenna clenched her jaw tight and balled her fist. "Fuck you, Moreau..."

"That an offer or an invitation?" Joker lowered himself back into his chair as he heard the string of Mandarin curse words thrown at him fade as the commander limped her way to the elevator. _One of these days she's going to learn that there is no winning against me in a battle of wits._ He chuckled to himself and pulled the ship off autopilot.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Quick Edit: After further review of this chapter, I ended up splitting it into 2 chapters.

Phew!

Chapter 4 of Show Her You Can Dance.

I still may end up tweaking this a bit, but I've got the gist of it down to where I'm satisfied with it. Enjoy! Yes I did take some artistic liberties with a few things like the picture. But that's what makes this a little more personal :)

Usual Disclaimer: Mass Effect and all its parts belong to Bioware.

* * *

While Shepard was in one of the many meetings with the Illusive Man, Joker was left to his own devices on the bridge. With no destination from the commander that meant he had nothing really to do other than go over a few maintenance reports or sift through the extranet. The latter got him trouble a few times thanks for a few minor glitches. But lately he found himself just sitting back and staring out into space. The commander was spending more time in the cockpit than anywhere else when she was onboard, not that he minded. It was just strange to him. On the old _Normandy_ she came up to see him, but it wasn't as frequent, nor as casually. While she cracked the occasional joke or indulged about what he knew of the current scuttlebutt, Shepard kept things as professional as possible. Hell, even their arguments weren't as heated as the last one was.

After the _Normandy SR-2_'s maiden flight around the system was completed, he wasn't surprised when she showed up. He could tell she was just as excited about the ship as he was. Well, almost as excited, but that was beside the point. She told him to enjoy the new comforts of the design, despite the nosy AI that resided next to him. It wasn't until she said "civilian ship" that he noticed the sly grin in her voice. There was some kind of hidden lock that held her in place, and the _Normandy_ was the key to unlocking that, setting her free of restraints. Of course, her sarcasm had to throw in the bit about pants, but that was just Shepard being Shepard.

Even though Joker liked this more open side to his commanding officer, he couldn't help but wonder where this was going. She had said that he was her best friend when she shared stories about her sister with him. She didn't cringe or shy away when he showed concern or even mild affection towards her, although she did show some embarrassment when she inadvertently showed some of her own. Was there something there that she felt? Joker shook his head, clearing that thought out of his mind.

_Of course there's nothing there. She sees you as a friend and her pilot, nothing more. Besides, you're about as bound to this chair as it gets. Long walks in the park are kind of out of the question._

_...She's never held that against me. Jenna's never struck me as the walk in the park kind of girl anyway. But then again, she never struck me as the dancing type either, but she proved us all wrong with that one. And I can walk well enough now. Hell, throw on the braces and I can go for a few hours._

_Doesn't matter. No matter what you want, you'll always hold back because it's your fault she died. You had to stay and try to save a dying ship instead of getting out forcing her to come back for you._

Joker cringed at his self monologue. Although they weren't as frequent as they used to be, the nightmares of watching the _SSV __Normandy_ fall apart still lingered. Shepard woke him up from his last one, but misinterpreted his mumbling her name associating it with a more pleasant dream. The fact that it perked her curiosity twisted a knot in his stomach. How could he tell her that those weren't sweet dreams, but vivid nightmares replaying her death over and over? How could he tell her that he held himself responsible?

He couldn't. It was that fact that he resigned herself to just being her friend. The one to be there when everyone else wasn't.

Shepard's voice cut into his thoughts. _"Joker, set a course for Horizon. Get us there as soon as possible. I've got to go see the Professor."_There was something in her voice that didn't sit well with him. It was hardened and cold. Joker heard this tone once before and the circumstances that led to it came from Virmire.

"Aye, aye, Commander. ETA about 75 minutes."

Jenna adjusted her gloves as they approached the planet. Her features betrayed nothing to tip Joker off to what was wrong. His only intel so far was that Horizon went silent, but that didn't explain why her demeanor turned so _cold._

"Commander..." he started.

"Ashley is on Horizon," she said flatly, cutting his question. "Have Garrus and Miranda meet me at the shuttle."

Joker was going to say something to her, but Shepard gave him an impassive look that shook him. This wasn't the carefree Shepard he was looking at anymore. She was a soldier first and foremost and that look reminded him of that fact. Joker nodded his acknowledgement and watched her leave.

Once the ground team was away Joker brought up the monitoring systems. He scowled when the screens came up fuzzed, blinking on and off. "Commander, we're getting a lot of interference! We can't maintain a signal." The monitors went completely dark. "Shepard?" When he got no response Joker made no effort to conceal his frustrations. He looked up at the blank screens with worry written in his eyes. The whole situation brought back memories of Virmire; memories that he wished stayed locked in the back of his mind forever, but they wormed their way back in.

_Pure panic. It was the only appropriate word that could describe Shepard's voice. She left Alenko with the nuke to go after Williams, but as soon as she was close enough, the Geth dropped on the bomb site. She was closer to Williams' position at the AA towers, but the choice weighed heavily on her mind._

_"Commander, there isn't time! Go get Williams and get the hell out of here!"__ Alenko __pleaded with her._

_"No! No one gets left behind. Bunker down and protect that nuke. I'll..." There was a series of beeps that fired off in her ear. The countdown had started. Jenna's eyes went wide. "What the hell are you doing,__ Alenko__?!"_

_"Making sure this thing goes off, ma'am. It's done."_

_"Joker, can we get them both out in time?!"_

_The pilot winced before giving his answer. "Negative, Commander."_

_"Commander, you're closer to Ashley. Getting her gives you more time to get out!"_

_Shepard tightened her jaw. "__Kaidan__, just bunker down. I'll be back for you as soon as..."_

_The Lieutenant's soft laugh cut her off. "We both know that's not going to happen, ma'am."_

_"...I'm sorry..."_

_Shepard just stared out the__ viewport__. It seemed like she was devoid of all emotion. Joker was almost afraid to say anything, but he had to break the silence. "Commander, I know it couldn't have been easy for you down there. Making the call between__ Alenko __and Williams must have been..." His words trailed off when she glanced over at him. "I-I'm sorry, ma'am. I just don't know if I could have done it."_

_Jenna's eyes dropped down for a moment, looking as if she were trying to chose her words carefully. "Pray that you never have to. There is no right choice for something like that."_

_"I'm not blaming you, Commander. I mean, I'm just...it's hard you know?"_

Joker shook his head hard to clear that memory. That day was classified as one of the the worst points in his career as a pilot and he didn't want to remember it. As if to help purge his thoughts, a crackle came through the comm.

_"-__andy__. Nor-. Normandy, do you copy?"_

The pilot gave a sigh of relief. "Joker here! Signals weak, but we've got you, Commander!" Shepard wasted no time in issuing orders to EDI and neutralizing whatever threat come to stop them from getting the defense towers online. When the Collector ship took off, he was about to ask if she was ready to come back when a voice he hadn't heard in years cut him off.

"Commander Shepard. Captain of the Normandy. The first human Spectre. Savior of the Citadel." Ashley turned to the mechanic and placed an annoyed hand on her hip. "You're in the presence of a god, Delan." She turned back to Shepard. "Back from the dead." Jenna ignored the rambling of the mechanic and just stared at Ashley. She looked older, like she'd been carrying the weight of the universe on her shoulders. But more to the point at hand, she looked..._upset._

Ashley walked up to her former commander with a half-smile and stuck out her hand. Shepard took it gladly and was about to pull Ashley into a hug until she spouted out her words. "I thought you were dead. We all did."

_Thought? But I..._ Shepard stepped back from her. "You don't sound too happy to see me. Something wrong?"

Williams' glare made Jenna cringe inside, but she didn't let it show. "You're damn right something's wrong! You show up after two years and act like nothing has happened! I would have followed you anywhere, commander. Why didn't you let me know you were alive?!"

"Ash, I've been gone for two years. You've moved on with your life and your career. I didn't want to open old wounds."

"Open old wounds? What makes you think they were healed to begin with?!" She glanced at Garrus for a moment before going back to Shepard. "I tried to move on, but here you are, pulling me back in again. And then the reports that you were working for Cerberus."

"Reports? You mean you already knew?" Garrus cut in.

Joker sucked in a sharp breath as he listened in. Ashley wasn't giving Shepard a chance to explain, and when she did get a word in it was ignored. He was amazed at how Jenna was able to restrain herself until Williams made the one fatal mistake: she accused Shepard of being a traitor. That accusation made both Shepard and Joker go wide-eyed.

"You think I'm doing this by choice?!" Shepard growled. "Ashley, I didn't fake my death, I _died_ that day. Can you imagine what it felt like to feel yourself struggle for breath in the black of space and then waking up in a sterile white room with strangers looking over you?! I..." Jenna forced her eyes shut for a minute and gave a heavy sigh. "I tried to find you when I was able but everywhere I turned I hit a brick wall. I needed people I knew and who knew me. You saw it yourself, the Collectors are real and I needed a team I could trust. They're targeting human colonies and working for the reapers."

Ashley's next words hit Shepard like a bullet to the heart. It took everything she had to keep from losing what composure she had left. "I'd like to believe you, Commander, but I don't trust Cerberus. It worries me that you do." She started to step back from Shepard, their eyes still locked. "I know where my loyalties lie. I'm an Alliance soldier. It's in my blood. I have to report this back to the Citadel."

Shepard scoffed, hiding her feelings behind sarcasm. "Good luck with that. We both know how that'll turn out. They'll just stuff their heads up their asses and pretend this whole thing doesn't exist."

"Maybe, but with good reason. Cerberus can't be trusted." Ashely looked away for a second. "Just...So long, commander. Good luck."

There was a long moment of silence as Shepard stood there, staring at the empty space that Ashley occupied just a moment before. "Shepard," Garrus started, reaching out for her.

Jenna snapped her attention to him. "Garrus, don't." She tapped her comm unit and snapped into it. "Joker, send a shuttle to pick us up. I've had enough of this colony." Her voice cracked at the end, betraying her feelings for a brief moment. The stoic commander shell she held was starting to crack, but she had to hold it together. There was no choice in the matter; Jenna Shepard was a hardened soldier, not a simpering pup. At least that's what she kept telling herself.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N:This was originally part of Chapter 4, but after reading it several times, I thought it flowed better this way.

Usual Disclaimer: Mass Effect and all its parts belong to Bioware.

* * *

The atmosphere on the ship was tense after the events on Horizon. Shepard had slipped into a rigid state, devoid of any emotion. She refused to let any weakness show to the crew. Off hour screwing around was one thing, but to show that she couldn't handle her emotions was forbidden for her. Even after setting a destination on the galaxy map and heading up to see Joker, she wouldn't let that guard drop. He turned his chair to face her, like he always did and he had that trademark grin he always wore. But it slowly faded when he saw the look on Shepard's face. That stoic, cold look. It was Virmire all over again.

But that didn't stop him from trying to cheer her up. "Hey, Commander, pretty crazy the people you run into. I mean it was probably a set up or something, but it was good to see Ash. Operations Chief Williams wasn't it?"

Jenna feigned a bitter smile. "She moved on, I can't blame her."

"She was front lined with you blowing up half the Citadel and _I'm_ the one who gets roped back into saving the galaxy? What, did someone switch our files?"

She quirked her brow at him with a half-hearted sigh. "You're the force the pulls it all together, Joker."

"Yeah it sucks, I'll give you that." There was that awkward silence again. He had to break it. "So, Haestrom? We'll be there in about 72 hours. You planning on taking your frustrations out on Geth, Commander?"

The guard dropped a little as Shepard's shoulders slumped slightly. She shook her head slightly in response to his question. "Tali's there," she whispered. When Jenna looked up, her eyes found his. The worried distress she found there dropped the wall she was trying to hide behind completely. She opened her mouth to say something, but stopped. She shook her head and turned away instead, leaving the deck without another word to anyone.

Normally, Joker would have just left her alone to let her compose herself. But this was beyond normal. He was right; This was Virmire all over again. Shepard would lock herself in her quarters until they reached their next destination. Last time, he didn't do anything to console her on the matter. But he would be damned if he was going to let her do that again. Joker waited a good ten minutes before going after Shepard. He ignored the yeoman's greetings and punched the button to the Loft.

Fully expecting to find the door locked, Joker was surprised to find it wasn't as it slid open. He took in the sights of the room, looking for Shepard. Her desk was neat and organized with a small picture on it of what he assumed was Shepard at a young age with another girl in Alliance fatigues in it with her. He remembered her telling him of her sister joining the military and assumed it was Rayna. Joker was about to investigate the ship display case when a slight sniffle pulled his attention further in the room. Shepard was sitting on her bed with her back to the door, her uniform jacket haphazardly thrown on the table. The white tanktop she wore was a stark contrast to the dark pants.

Joker stopped and stood at the side of her bed, his eyes suddenly fixed on what she was doing. It was half finished, but the shape was unmistakable; Shepard held a model of the _SSV __Normandy_. Jenna held the unfinished model in her hands, running her fingers down the nose of the ship. "It was supposed to be a surprise for you," she cracked. "The last time we were on the Citadel, I saw it and I...thought of you. I wanted..." Her voice trailed off as she set the model down. Joker picked it up and turned it over in his hands. He was about to say something when her choked sob startled him.

_Shit! What do I do? I've seen her down before but never crying. Ah, dammit... _"Shepard?" He slid on the bed in front of her, trying to get Shepard to look at him.

Jenna avoided him and brought her hands up to wipe away the tears that fell on their own. "God dammit! What the hell is wrong with me? I can't seem to grasp the fact that two years have gone by for everyone." Her shoulders heaved as she tried to keep her composure. "Everyone's leaving me behind, Jeff. Garrus is so much darker than I remember him being. Tali is...the last time I saw her on Freedom's Progress she looked so grown up. And Ash...Everyone is leaving me."

He hated seeing her like this, so broken and scared. Joker brushed her hair behind her ear only to have it fall back down again. "Hey, I'm still here, you know."

"But for how long?" she snapped.

That right there pissed him off. Emotional distress he could attempt to handle, but this? This self doubt and lack of confidence was too much. Joker grabbed Shepard's shoulders and gave her one harsh shake, forcing a startled look from her. His normally sarcastic tone grabbed hold of a husky growl as he snapped at her. "Now you listen to me, and you better listen good! I'm not going to leave you. I will _never_ leave you. When Cerberus came to me and offered me this job, I told them they could shove it up their collective asses, but as soon as they gave me proof that they were bringing you back, I didn't hesitate for a second. Why? Because I..." He stopped himself and just pulled her close. "I would follow you anywhere, Jenna."

_You're not going to tell her are you?_

_...No. It's bad enough she's down like this, I don't need to add to her torment._

_You do know she's going to ask about that dream, right?_

_Yes, I know. But right now, what she needs is...a friend._

_Pfft, what she needs is more than a friend. What she needs is you._

Joker sighed and looked down at Jenna who was buried in his shirt. Her sobs finally calmed down enough for him to safely assume talking wouldn't start another episode. "Besides, if I left, you'd end up crashing the ship into a planet," he quipped.

Jenna gave a stuffy laugh and lightly jabbed him in the side, face still hidden away. "You are an ass, you know that?"

_There's my girl. That's the Shepard I know._ Joker chuckled lightly. "Yeah, well we can add that to my resume." He straightened up and cleared his throat. "Jeffery 'Joker' Moreau; Flight Lieutenant of the _Normandy SR-1 and_2_;_Comic relief of the ship, keeper of random rumors and finest ass in the galaxy!" Her muffled laugh made him smile. Then a brilliant idea to cheer Shepard up came to his mind. Joker slipped his hand under her chin and lifted her head up. "Hey, I need your help with something on the bridge." Jenna nodded and grabbed her jacket, following her pilot back down to the main deck. He led her to the cockpit and took her hand, pulling her along as sat back in the chair. Shepard gave him a worried glance as she hesitated. Joker just sighed and shook his head. "Just don't make any sudden moves and you'll be fine. Thanks to our wonderful benefactor, I'm not as breakable as I used to be." She still hesitated slightly, slowly grabbing the arm of the chair to steady herself. "Oh, good God, Jenna, will you sit down?"

Shepard harrumphed at him finally sat down. "Excuse me for trying to be careful! What am I helping you with anyway?"

Joker gently took both of her wrists and guided her hands to the console. "You, my dear Commander, are going to fly the _Normandy_." Jenna's eyes went wide with surprise as she tried to sputter out words and failing. Joker chuckled at her and slid his hands over hers, matching her hand finger for finger. "Don't worry, I'm not going to let you crash into a planet. Just follow my lead. Ready?"

Shepard gave out a quick nod as Joker guided her hand to a few keys, dropping the ship out of auto pilot and into her control. She swore she could feel the weight of the ship fall onto them as she pressed the holographic keys. Jenna followed Joker's lead as he brought her hand up to a circle, telling her to turn that slowly. As she did, the _Normandy_ started to roll on her axis giving Shepard a slight feeling of vertigo. Joker couldn't help but laugh at her sudden wince as the ship leveled out. There was a quick flash of blue from the Mass Relay up ahead that caught both their attentions and Jenna withdrew her hands from helm.

"I should probably let you do this," she said sheepishly and started to get up. Joker lightly put his hand on her shoulder to keep her in place and leaned forward against her back.

"You're fine where you are. Besides, you've got the best seat in the house right now. Nothing compares to making a jump from the helm." He couldn't help his ever widening grin when he felt her heart start to race as he leaned forward to take the helm. But he was right, the feeling of the jump was amazing pilot's chair. Shepard had felt jumps before, but never the slight weight of gravity push against her like this. She leaned back against Joker's chest, closing her eyes losing herself in the warmth she felt. Joker casually dropped his arm across her waist while his other hand worked the helm.

Then all at once, reality hit Jenna in the face. Her eyes snapped open and she quickly, but gently scrambled out of the chair. Joker gave her a confused look as he watched her gain her balance. They both looked at each other for moment before Jenna's face turned a new shade of red. Joker's brow quirked with even further confusion as she started to back down the ramp. She stumbled over her words, jumping back and forth between English and Mandarin before finally sputtering "Thank you, Joker. You, uhm...I...should go." Joker was so confused by the sudden shift that he couldn't even laugh at Shepard when she tripped over herself at the bottom of the ramp. He just slowly turned the chair back to the helm and stared at it.

"What the hell just happened?"


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Yay! More angst! I swear this is the last deep angsty chapter. Don't worry, this isn't the last chapter. I plan to go all the way to the end

Bai mu - Stupid

* * *

An entire week went by since Jenna's rather embarrassing departure from the cockpit. She didn't avoid Joker outright, but she didn't make an effort to visit him as often as she used to. Every time she saw him, the subtle feeling of butterflies fluttered in her stomach and it scared the hell out of her. She would stumble over her words, fidget with her uniform, or forget how to speak all together. It was an uncomfortable feeling for her and she chose to avoid it if at all possible. But her choice wasn't without its consequences. Joker's mood started to become less humorous and lighthearted to more sullen and bitter sarcasm. It got to the point where he blew Shepard off completely whenever she came to check on him.

After grabbing the last two recruits and taking care of some business for Miranda on Illium, things were starting to get tense aboard the ship for everyone. Shepard declared a 72-hour shore leave to which the crew happily complied. At least with the crew gone, she could talk to Joker and explain what was going on. But he wasn't at his station when she went to find him. Jenna tilted her head to the side and uttered a confused noise.

"EDI, where'd Joker go?" she asked, looking back towards the CIC.

The blue orb popped up at her holographic station. "Mr. Moreau is at the Eternity Bar with the intention of forgetting the past week's events."

Jenna snapped her attention to the AI. "He said that?"

"Yes."

She pushed her bangs back and forced out a breath. _Shit. What have I done?_ "Thank you, EDI."

"Logging you out, Shepard."

A few of the crew recognized her and called greetings out to her as Shepard entered the bar. She politely returned their greetings and continued to scan the bar for her pilot. She almost didn't find him in his civilian dress. He wore a simple gray t-shirt and jeans. If it weren't for his hat, she wouldn't have noticed. Joker had found a small table to himself in the back of the bar near the railings overlooking Nos Astra. He was slouched in the chair one hand on his glass and the other on the bottle of whiskey the bartender gave him. Every so often he would reach down and tug uncomfortably at his braces. It'd been a while since he'd worn them, but he figured walking back to the ship drunk without them would be a bad idea.

He was about to pour out another shot when a second empty glass slid and tapped his. He looked up to find Shepard standing there. She wore a black button up blouse over fitted blue jeans. Around her neck hung her usually hidden dog tags that she found at the _Normand's_ wreckage. "Hey...Mind if I join you?"

Joker gave her a sidelong glance and scoffed, taking a swig of his drink. "Why? So you can ignore me at the table too?" His words were slightly slurred as he growled at her.

Jenna crossed her arms across her chest. "Look, I didn't come here to argue with you. I came here to apologize." When he gestured to the other chair she took the bottle with her and poured herself some. She stared at the amber liquor, thinking her words over before downing the shot. "Jeff, I-"

Joker cut the air with his hand and glared at her. "Shepard, look, I don't need you to coddle me. I'm not some teenager who needs to be told that everything will be okay. I think at 30, I can handle rejection," he snapped bitterly.

Shepard was taken aback at his outburst and shook her head. "Bai mu! Will you shut up?! Jesus, do you whine like this every time you get drunk?" She forced out a breath. He just glared at her. "Horizon hit me hard. I didn't realize how much things have really changed. It made me start to think about things." Jenna swallowed hard and looked up to make sure Joker was still paying attention. He watched her with a cold bitterness as he played with his glass. "When you came up to see me, I was so confused, scared....broken. Then you let me fly. It made me realize...and then I..."

_Dammit! There I go again. Stumbling over my words like some stupid school girl. Why can't I spit this out? What am I so afraid of? Fucking hell, Jenna, just spit it out already!_

"Jeff, I wasn't avoiding you because I was rejecting you. I was avoiding you because I was afraid." Joker's jaw slacked at her confession. "You've always been there for me when no one else would give me the time of day. You never questioned me about Cerberus. Hell, you were the first one to step up to the plate! I just...I was afraid because you've always been..."

"A friend?" he finished softly for her. Joker scoffed and leaned forward on his arms, a slight irritation still in his glance. "So what, I'm supposed to forget that week of hell you put me through?"

"Heh, no. I fully expect you to berate me for a week and then remind me at least once a month about it." She leaned forward on the table, searching for his eyes under his hat. "And then, just to add insult to injury, bring this up every now and again just like the toaster incident you so love to remember." That brought on a full laugh from her pilot. She sipped down the rest of the alcohol in her glass and rested her chin on interlaced fingers. "So, now that we've got that cleared up, I've got a curiosity that's been eating at me for a month now."

Joker suddenly grabbed his glass to hide behind it. _Shit, not now. Please not now..._ He pleaded in his mind.

"That dream of yours-"

_Fuck, no! Don't ask. Don't ask. Don't ask!_

"-you mumbled my name a few times." Jenna's teasing grin faded when Joker set his glass down and groaned. "It...wasn't a good dream."

"No." He got up and walked over to the railing and leaned against it. When he felt Jenna's hand on his arm, he hunched up and looked away. She leaned against him and snaked her hand through his arm, searching for his hand and interlaced her fingers with his.

"Jeff, please, you've always been there for me. Let me be there for you."

He looked over at her and gave a defeated sigh. "It was the _Normandy. _I lost everything in that attack. The ship. My friends...you. If I hadn't stayed to try to save the ship, you wouldn't have..." Joker turned away from her, almost ashamed to even look at her. "It was my fault you died," he choked.

Jenna frowned and squeezed his hand. "Jeff, I've never blamed you for what happened."

"No, but I do, and nothing..."

"Stop it!" she snapped, startling him. "You couldn't have known that was going to happen. Hell, I would have tried to do the same thing if I were in your place! Bound to that chair or not, I would have come for you either way because I..." He wasn't looking at her when she looked up but she could tell by his shudders that he was holding back his emotions. Joker was never one to show vulnerability, always hiding behind sarcasm. It was something they had in common. It took a great deal of trust for that barrier to fall for either of them and Jenna trusted this man with everything she had.

She put both hands on the side of his head and turned him to look at her. Just like he was there for her for support, she was there for him. Her thumb brushed away a stray tear that fell. "I came back for you because I wanted to make sure you were safe. I came back for you because I love you." Jenna pressed her lips against his in a soft kiss. She was about to pull away when Joker wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her further into him and deepening the kiss. He was slow and deliberate, taking everything in. Her warmth, her smell, her taste, all of it. She broke down that seemingly impossible wall of sarcasm that he built up over the years with three simple words he'd been dying to say himself. He promised to never leave her, and he was going to make damned sure he kept that promise.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Sorry for the delay in this chapter. It kinda stumped me a little, but the wonderful DCFG planted a little seed in my head and this popped up from it :) This one is a little shorter than the others, but I kinda lost myself towards the end. Going back into the missions at this point would have thrown it all off and I wanted to do something silly with it. I'm hoping I achieved that.

* * *

There were no words in any modern language to describe the feelings in Joker's head at the moment. But they could all be boiled down into one simple result: Hangover. He couldn't even remember how he got back to the ship in one piece. Somehow, he managed to make it to the crew quarters and pass out in his bed but didn't have the coherency to take his braces off. Now his legs were stiff and cramped from being stuck in them all night. The night before was still fuzzy and garbled. He vaguely remembered Shepard finding him and talking to him but what about wasn't clear. And to make matters worse, his hat was missing.

The mess hall was still fairly quiet enough with most of the crew still out on shore leave, leaving Joker to quietly suffer the prior night's endeavors. He buried his head in his arms trying to quiet the aching throb that pounded in his head as he tried to think through the haze. The sound of the elevator swishing open made him wince in pain. Joker peered up from his arms when a small chuckle drew his attention. He uttered a groan and buried his head back in the cradle of his arms.

"Well, aren't you just a bundle of energy this morning?" Jenna snickered. Joker's only response was another groan. "Good morning to you, too." She took a seat across from him at the table and crossed her arms in front of her. When Joker looked up at her, she was burying her head in her arms as if to mock his own position. He scowled at her and uttered a low growl before dropping his head back down. Shepard copied him with a mock growl of her own. The pilot peered over his arm to see her doing the same and glared at her.

"Stop it," he mumbled.

Jenna gave him an innocent look, but still kept her position. "Stop what?"

"Mimicking me."

"I'm not mimicking you." Joker huffed and Jenna did the same.

"I hate you sometimes," he groaned, once again burying himself in his arms.

"That's not what you said last night."

Joker immediately sat up, wincing from the sudden punishment his head threw at him for doing so. Short memories flooded back into his mind. Trying to blow Shepard off when she came to see him at the bar; Standing at the railing feeling ashamed of himself; That amazing first kiss. _She said she loved me? That wasn't a dream, was it? No, it couldn't have been. I went to the bar and she kissed me. Wait, so what about...Oh shit. I told her about my nightmares, didn't I? That had to have been a dream! What I said last night?_

Shepard snapped her fingers in front of his face trying to get his attention back. "Hello? Shepard to Joker. Come in, Joker!" Joker recoiled back slightly at her snapping and looked at her with confusion. She rolled her eyes before laughing at him. "Relax, Jeff."

_Wait...she called me Jeff instead of Joker. So... _"So...last night was real?" Shepard nodded gently.

"You even cried a little. But don't worry, I won't tell anyone," Shepard giggled, sticking her tongue out slightly. Joker glared at her and huffed. "Of course, it was fun to see you go from Joker the Grumpy, Bitter pilot to Joker the Angsty pilot to Joker the Jackass," she explained, pointing in the air as if to emphasis each change.

He quirked his brow at her. "What?"

"Well you see, after that tender little moment we shared, we went back to drinking that rather expensive bottle of whiskey you bought. Unfortunately, you had a head start on me and by the end of the night you were...how do I put this?" Jenna tapped a finger on her lips before gesturing at Joker. "Plastered."

Joker pulled his lips back into a sarcastic grin and sat back crossing his arms. "At least the liquor didn't go to waste."

"While this is true, and you did lighten up afterwards, the jackass in you decided to prove a point to me and show me you could dance. While I'm not _entirely_ unconvinced you could _maybe_ do that sober, I was pretty sure you would have broken something in several places if you tried that drunk." Joker covered his eyes with his palm and sighed. "At that point I had to haul your ass back to the ship with Kenneth's help. It's a good thing he helped me, too, 'cause you 'bout fell over on me in the airlock mocking the decontamination process. You ended up knocking your hat off in the airlock when you tried to nuzzle up against me."

Joker groaned and rubbed his face with his hands. "Okay, that explains how I got back to the ship. But honestly, you guys couldn't get my braces off? Thanks to you, walking around today hurts more than it should," he complained.

Shepard gave him an exasperated look. "It's not like I didn't try. I wanted you to help me take them off after Ken left, but you weren't exactly willing to help! You were trying like hell to make out with me!"

He leaned forward with a feral grin on his face. "Did I succeed at that attempt?"

Jenna glanced at a point on the ceiling and drawled out, "_Maybe_. That's for me to know and you to remember." She slowly got up and revealed the hat she was hiding under the table. Pulling it over his eyes, Shepard leaned into him and whispered, "I'm not going to tell you what else you attempted to do," before nipping at his ear and leaving him with a peck on the cheek. Joker's heart felt as if it jumped into his throat as he attempted to sputter a response. All he got were sounds fumbling out of his mouth before Shepard fell back against a bulkhead holding her sides in fits of laughter. Joker scowled at her before burying his head back in his arms.

He looked up just enough to glare at her. "I'll let you know whether or not I hate you or not after my head stops feeling like it got hit with a freighter."

Shepard caught her breath back and shook her head. "But the look on your face was priceless! I didn't know that shade of red existed."


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Sorry about the long delay! Between a lot of crap going on at work and a sudden hard drive failure, I lost a lot of drive to finish this and I hate writing when I'm upset. It tends to reflect in my work. But things are getting better so I finished this chapter! Just a few more to go! Translations at the bottom to forgo a few spoilers =P Oh, and if any of you are getting that Firefly vibe from this then YAY! It's got a small influence in my work :D

* * *

Joker could tell by the heavy footfalls behind him that Shepard's arrival into the cockpit wasn't for idle chatter. She needed to vent and lately he'd become her target. Not that the pilot could blame her, especially after the Illusive Man tricked the entire crew into believing they were being sent to a disabled Collector vessel. He wasn't too thrilled about it himself, but Joker had ways to vent his frustrations. Shepard, on the other hand...just thinking about what would happen if anyone ever told her to shut up while venting sent visible shivers through his whole body. The woman didn't have a huge temper, and kept it in check most times. But when it was let loose, it was a horrible explosion of words. Sometimes even gunfire for the rare occasion it was let loose on the battlefield.

As the angry words started to get louder, Joker just turned his head to look over his shoulder. He followed her as Jenna slumped against the rail, her arms fiercely crossed against her chest. "_Da shu jinu de sishengzi_! If he _dares_ pull something like that again, the Reapers will be the last of his problems! Risking the lives of my crew like we're nothing but tools for him to use," she seethed.

The pilot tilted his head to the side a little and narrowed his eyes. "Rat and bastard. I've heard those come out of your mouth before," he said nonchalantly. "You really should teach me sometime."

Shepard raised a questioning brow at him. "Teach you Mandarin?" She scoffed at him. "What, and lose the edge I have over you? Pah!"

"Edge, right." Joker looked her up and down for a second, back at his console, and then at her again. Jenna mimicked his gesture and quirked her head to the side. "Where is your jacket?" Shepard was in her usual Cerberus Officer dress, sans jacket. Her black standard issue undershirt showed off more than he was used to seeing, distracting him from his work. Jenna huffed and seemed to not notice the color starting to tint her pilot's face.

"I was so pissed about what happened that I tripped on the stairs in my cabin and spilled coffee on it." Joker stifled a laugh with a cough. "I dealt with it during my meeting but ended up throwing it in the debriefing room both out of disgust and just wanting it off."

Joker bit his lower lip, trying to keep his mouth in check, but the opportunity that presented itself was just too much. "So, what you're saying is that I really need to piss you off more often so I can get-"

Shepard stood up straight and glared at him. "_Chenmo!_ If you even _think_ about finishing that sentence I swear I will have you tossed out the airlock!" Joker gave a mock pout and tried his best to look hurt. Shepard seemed to lose some of her tension and allowed herself a laugh at his poor attempt.

"Hey, at least you didn't come out of there empty handed? Didn't you find a shiny new toy out there?"

Jenna grinned and half-lidded her eyes. "Yeah, an M-98 Widow Sniper Rifle. I've only dreamed about firing a rifle with that much power. Something that powerful would shatter a man's shoulder." She frowned and prodded at her shoulder. "Thanks to Cerberus, this isn't exactly a normal shoulder." Shepard uncrossed her arms and crossed her ankles instead as she casually leaned back against the rail. "I even gave it a name because of you!"

With a sidelong glance, Joker gave her a wary look. "Dare I ask what you decided to name it?"

"Bunny," she deadpanned. The pilot's face dropped into complete and utter confusion. Shepard kept her straight face as she explained. "What was it you said? Something, something, about...oh yes." She cleared her throat in a theatrical cough. "_Why's it always claws and guns? Can't we piss off a fuzzy planet? Still dangerous but hey, bunnies!"_ she mocked. "Or how about when I asked you about the old days and the term 'sunshine and bunnies' came out of your mouth?"

Joker groaned inwardly, running his hand down his face. "You named your gun, Bunny..."

Shepard put both hands on the armrest of his chair and leaned against them. "With your help. I think the big, badass lieutenant has a soft spot for fuzzy animals," she purred. She was skirting the edges of flirtation, not that Joker was complaining. Normally Shepard kept some professionalism between the two of them, but there were times when she let a few things slip. A word here, a gesture there.

A devious smile spread across the pilot's face as he leaned back into his chair. "I could show you a few other things I have a soft spot for."

Before Shepard could answer, she caught sight of Miranda heading towards the cockpit and stood up straight. Whether the Cerberus Operative heard or saw their flirting was a mystery to her, but Jenna held her face straight. "Miranda," she greeted with a quick nod in her direction.

Joker kept his disappointed sigh quiet enough so neither women heard him. _And snap back into Commander-mode. Dammit, Miri._

Miranda's reply was equally polite, but held a bit more respect than it used to. "Commander, we need to take our next course of action. I would suggest the Derelict Reaper as a starting point."

Shepard disagreed with a shake of her head. "While I'm sure getting the IFF should be our priority, we still have a few unresolved issues among our specialists. Going into another unknown situation without everyone thinking straight could be just as disastrous as going into the field knowing full and well what we're up against. We still have an issue with Grunt that needs to be taken care of before he tears out a bulkhead."

"At least if he does that, it'll solve our problem," Joker quipped.

Shepard sighed and looked down at her pilot. "As funny as that would be, it would also take out whoever is in engineering at the time as well as put a hole in your pretty ship."

"Good point."

"Mordin has also brought an issue to me involving one of his former students," she continued. "Fortunately it's also on the same planet, Tuchanka. The well being of my crew is my first priority right now. Don't worry about the dead Reaper. I doubt it's going anywhere."

Miranda gave a smart salute. "Understood, Commander. Let me know if you need anything else."

Once Miranda was gone, Joker took the opportunity to continue their last conversation. "So, about those bunnies?"

"Nope," Jenna replied flatly.

"Dammit." Joker hung his head and plotted a course for the Aralakh System. He was taken by complete surprise when Shepard's hands flung around his chair to steal his hat. Joker made a vain attempt to get it back as she jumped out of his reach.

She let her rigid commander stance break only for a mocking grin before turning about. "You want this back, you know where to find me."

Joker's jaw slacked as he watched her disappear to the back of the CIC and into the elevator. "That woman is the devil..."

* * *

Because a life was at stake, Shepard took on Mordin's request first. The mission was simple and straight forward: Find Maelon and rescue him. What they were looking for and what they found where two separate things, however. Maelon wasn't in any danger at all when they found him but working on his own free will. After some slight convincing, Mordin chastised Maelon and abandoned him to find a new path in life. Shepard persuaded the professor to keep the date that Maelon worked on instead of destroying outright before sending him back to the ship to unwind.

Grunt's problem wasn't a health issue at all, much to Shepard's relief. He was just coming of age and in need of direction. At Wrex's proposal, Grunt took part in the Rite of Passage. The area surrounding the Keystone didn't sit well with Jenna. There were pillars in a several places, a few of them looked fragile by her standards, and being a marksman there were few places for her to hide. But having a trigger-happy krogan and an equally skilled turian marksman at her side put her mind at ease.

The trio made quick work of the varren and klixen that were thrown at them as part of the Rite. As Shepard slammed her hand into the switch for the Keystone, a feeling of dread fell into the pit of her stomach. The ground shivered and trembled as something stirred underneath their feet, searching for a weak spot in the ground to emerge. As she pulled her favored rifle from her back, several tentacles breached the surface. Her heart started to race as her eyes shot across the field. A single shot from Garrus to one of them seemed to scare them away, leaving an eerie silence in their wake. It wasn't until the boulders flew from the ground and the massive head snaked from the ground that Shepard froze out of pure and utter terror.

"Shepard, move!" were the last coherent words she understood before she dove behind the concrete pillar.

Joker had his hat pulled down over his eyes as he napped at the helm. The subtle beeps and pings the ship made lulled him into a drowsy state that he ultimately succumbed to. Those little pings gave way to a rather annoyed sounding turian trying to get his attention over the comm. The pilot snorted lightly lifting his head a little before his chin fell back into his chest as he drifted back asleep. Garrus finally shouted Joker's name through the comm, making the pilot jump from the sudden pain caused to his ear.

"What?" he snapped through the comm. "You better have a good reason for interrupting my concentration, Garrus."

A two-toned scoff vibrated through Joker's earpiece. "I'm pretty sure whatever it was you were _concentrating_ on can wait. We have a problem in the cargo hold."

Even though Garrus couldn't see it, Joker raised a questioning eyebrow. "I don't deal with those kinds of problems. You should probably ask Jacob to check the hold. I wouldn't exactly know-"

"-Shepard's locked herself in the Hammerhead," he breathed.

_Oh, that's just...dammit._ "What makes you think I can get her out?"

"Because she won't listen to anyone else on the ship. I've tried to talk her out of the tank, but she keeps telling everyone she's doing calibrations. You're the only one who can actually get through to her."

"And you're sure of this how?"

There was an audible sigh from Garrus. "You two aren't as subtle as you both think. I'm surprised you, Mr. Scuttlebutt, didn't know about the betting pool over you and Shepard."

"How...what...who the hell started that?"

"I'm fairly positive it was Gabby in engineering. After Ken told her what happened when he and Shepard dragged your sorry ass back to the ship, she started a betting pool on the off-chance that you weren't being a complete moron. Judging by your reaction, I just lost thirty creds. Thanks."

Joker swore he heard some jealousy in the turian's voice as he blurted out his knowledge of the Commander's relationship with him. He couldn't help but bring his palm to his face and sigh. "Alright, fine. I'll be there in a few minutes." Joker hobbled is way down to the hold, muttering irritated obscenities to himself as well as plans to cause bodily harm to the engineering crew. Once at the Hammerhead, he stood in front of the door and sighed. Most of the ground team were down in the hold from either trying to get Shepard out or to be an audience. "Open the door, Shepard."

There was a muffled snort before a response came out. "Getting Joker down here isn't going to change the fact that I'm busy. As I said before, I'm calibrating the hovering systems. This thing handles like crap."

"You couldn't drive the Mako without flipping it over! What makes you think you can drive this thing?"

"Joker, if you were trying to convince me to let you in here, you are failing horribly."

"Who said I had to convince you to do anything. I could just have EDI open the door for me." A moment of silence went by before the soft click of the lock being released broke it. Joker looked over at the shocked faces and shrugged. "You guys didn't think to even ask our irritatingly useful AI to open the door? Or was this just your elaborate way to see who wins the pot?" Innocent glances looked away. "And they say _I _need to find a hobby." The pilot shook his head and climbed into the hovertank.

He found Shepard carefully studying what looked like streams of data and a video feed. Quiet words he couldn't recognize mumbled from her throat as she flicked her hand across the console, replaying the last video feed. Joker watched it a little more closely then froze when he saw what she was watching. It was the thresher maw she faced on Tuchanka. The data stream was the vital signs from her hardsuit showing her heart rate at an unnaturally high beat. Without any words, Joker reached out to touch her shoulder, but Jenna shifted away from his hand.

She glanced over at him and noticed that her movements made him recoil out of frustration. "Sorry, not trying to brush off your concern. It's just that my suit is still spotted with what ever the hell that thing hit me with and while I'm sure the acids are harmless to my hardsuit, I'm not entirely sure what will happen if you touch it with your bare hand." Her voice was alarmingly calm for someone who faced one of their biggest fears and came out nearly unscathed.

"Jenna, what happened?"

Shepard sighed and shrugged her shoulders. "I'm still trying to figure that out. The last thing I remember was seeing this thing burst out of the ground and Garrus telling me to find cover. Everything from that point on is a blur."

Joker slid into the chair next to her and was surprised to find that like his own chair in the cockpit, it moved. "But you've faced a maw before."

"There's a big difference between the heavy armor plating of the Mako and a concrete slab." Shepard slid the video feed away and focused her attention on the vital signs. "Everything here says I was in a state of shock, but the video feed has me gunning this thing down. It's like I was acting on pure instinct." She forced out a breath and leaned back in the chair. "I'm going to case this under extreme training getting used."

"Well, at least the Marines did something good for you, right? I mean, what do they need brains to fire a gun for?" Joker smirked.

"We Marines may not have the brains, but unlike you Navy boys, we don't have to employ the don't ask, don't tell policy."

Joker hissed in mock pain. "Ouch, Commander! Low blow."

Jenna chuckled closed the link from her hardsuit to the tank and leaned closer to her pilot. "So tell me, what brought you down to the cargo hold? Aside from my well-being that is."

The pilot rolled his eyes. "Apparently, our lovely crew decided to have a betting pool on whether or not we were in a relationship. Instead of using EDI to open the tank doors, Garrus called me down here." Shepard opened her mouth to say something but Joker cut her off. "You can thank Gabby for starting that pool, by the way."

Shepard sighed and shrugged her shoulders. "With a ship this size, it was only a matter of time before someone found out. This does not mean you can get away with pawing at me while on duty, however!" Joker gave her an innocent look and placed his hand over his heart.

"I would never!"

"Yeah, right. I mean it, Moreau. Keep your hands to yourself." He threw his hands up in defense and gave a mock defeated sigh. "Now then, we still have that IFF to get." A cute, pleading grin spread across Shepard's face as she leaned closer to Joker. "Can I help you fly to the next relay?"

Joker scoffed and crossed his arms. "The last time I let you do that, you nearly broke my leg jumping out of the chair. Besides, wouldn't that go against your 'No touching while on duty' rule?" Shepard's gave him her best puppy-dog pout and whimpered. He attempted to hold back his laugh, but failed and doubled over in fits of laughter. "Promise me you won't ever do that again, and I'll let you do whatever you want!"

Shepard sat up with a wicked grin. "Is that so? Well maybe I-" She stopped herself when she noticed movement out of the corner of her eye. Both the pilot and the commander looked over at the door to find the entire ground team crowded around it, watching them. Shepard glanced over at Joker before getting up to chase them out of the cargo hold. "_Lainmin de yuangu_, will you people find something better to do? Out, all of you! Now!"

* * *

(rough)Translations:

-_Da shu jinu de sishengzi_ - Rat bastard son of a whore  
-_Chenmo_ - Silence  
-_Lainmin de yuangu_ - For pity's sake


	9. Chapter 9

A/N - So, bit of delays between these chapters. But I am working on them =P Almost at the end here folks! Thanks for sticking with me through this. You guys are great!  
Yes, it's fluff. There was just no getting around it. =P

* * *

"Shit, shit, shit!"

It was about the only coherent thing that Joker could sputter out. He had a bad feeling about the Reaper IFF the moment Shepard brought the damned thing on board. But it was a necessary evil that had to be installed in order to finish the mission. Joker just wished that the testing didn't have to coincide with a ground mission. Shepard left with the entire ground team and placed the ship under his command. She left them without any worry that anything could go wrong. But irony and Shepard seemed to go hand-in-hand as of late.

Joker had never felt so scared in his life. Even when the _Normandy_ fell apart around him, he knew he what he was at least attempting to do. But now, he had to rely on an AI he barely trusted to get him through this. Releasing it would either be his salvation or damnation. The fact that he couldn't determine which terrified him. The crew knew of his intentions as he made his way to EDI's core. All he could do was watch them sacrifice themselves so that he could get by. He didn't want any of this. He didn't want to lose anyone, but there wasn't anything he could do to help them. His mind pleaded for Shepard to come back. Come back to save them all from the Collectors. Save them all from becoming test subjects like those they found on their ship. Save them from whatever fate would befall them.

But his miraculous save never came as he unleashed EDI's bindings and gave her control of the ship. Joker remained on the floor for a few moments as he tried to get his mind to focus again. Exhaustion and pain finally washed over him as he pulled himself off the floor. For a brief moment he was amazed that he was able to get up from his fall. Rewind a few years and such a fall would have likely put him out of commission for a while. That thought soon faded as he limped into the debriefing room. He didn't want to be near the helm at that moment because it meant walking past all those empty chairs. Empty because of him. Because he couldn't save them.

It didn't take the ground team long to get return to the ship. Shepard just stared at him as Joker sat on the conference table. Her features were passive, betraying nothing that was going through her mind at the moment. She was upset at what happened. Angry at herself for letting this happen. But most of all, she was worried about Joker. When he glanced up at her, he looked so exhausted, defeated, and broken. Shepard took a breath to say something but was cut off when Miranda stormed into the debriefing room.

"Everyone? You lost everyone and damn near lost the ship, too?" she snapped at Joker.

The pilot glared at her for a moment. He wanted to just snap back at her, but none of his usual sarcasm was there. He gave up trying and just sighed, "I know, all right? I was here!"

"It's not his fault, Miranda. None of us caught it," Jacob interjected in Joker's defense.

EDI chimed in for him as well. "Mr. Taylor is correct. The harmful data in the Collector drive was much more powerful than the 'black box' Reaper viruses I was given."

Jenna managed to catch Joker's gaze, a brief glimmer of worry flickered in her eyes. "I heard it was a rough ride. How are you holding up?"

Joker broke her gaze and stared at the wall. "There's a lot of empty chairs in here."

"We did everything we could, Jeff," EDI assured him.

"Yeah...thanks, mom," he forced out.

Shepard forced back her feelings for the moment and tried to asses the situation. "Is the ship clean? We can't risk this happening again."

"EDI and I purged the systems. The Reaper IFF is online. We can go through the Omega 4 Relay whenever you want."

Miranda shook her head and growled. She crossed her arms over her chest and did nothing but chastise Joker. "Don't even get me started about unshackling a damned AI."

"Well what can I do against Collectors? Break my arm at them?"

Shepard had about enough of this. Constantly berating the only one to make it out of the attack was getting them no where. She balled her fists tight and finally snapped at her second-in-command. "_Zhe jiu gou le!_ What would you have done differently? Put yourself in his place, not as yourself but as Joker!" she growled, gesturing at him. "Every single person who was trained for combat or otherwise gone. Now you tell me, Miranda, what you would have done differently?" Lawson opened her mouth to say something, but quickly snapped it shut. There was nothing she could say that would have been any different.

"EDI's cleared the ship, she's alright," Joker interrupted in hopes to break the coming argument. He slid off the table and winced when his feet touched the floor. Crawling through ventilation ducts wasn't something he wanted to do ever again.

"I assure you, I am still bound my protocols in my programming. Even if I were not, you are my crewmates," EDI assured them.

Shepard pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration. "EDI's had plenty of opportunity to kill us. We need all the help we can get." She turned to Jacob. "How are the upgrades to the ship coming?"

"There are a few calibrations that need to be performed before we're at one hundred percent, but as far as any further upgrades go, we have all we need to go after the crew," he responded with a nod.

"Then it's time we take the fight to the Collector's," Miranda added.

"Good. Jacob, Miranda, I want you two to begin final preparations with the rest of the crew. Joker, head back up to the bridge and run one last diagnostic and make sure everything is in running order. Inform me when everything is ready." The three of them nodded in acknowledgement and left the debriefing room.

* * *

Joker idly tapped at the keys as he carried out the task given to him. But his mind wasn't on his work. Shepard already came to see him once, but quickly retreated when he snapped at her. He knew she meant well, but Joker was so frustrated by everything that it nearly pushed him to a breaking point. He rubbed his hands on his face in an attempt to ease away the weariness he felt. The sounds of someone coming into the cockpit forced a groan from his chest as he turned the chair.

"Jenna, if you're coming to apoli-" The pilot stopped short when he saw not the commander but their quarian engineer standing before him. Joker tilted his head to the side in slight confusion. "Tali?"

Tali wrung her hands together for a moment then gently placed them at her side. "I was hoping to find you here. I wanted to talk to you," she started. Joker forced out a sigh and looked off to the side.

_Great, more pity. I don't need this. Not now. _"Look, I'm fine. I don't need everyone coming up here to check on me," he snorted. The engineer shook her head, the glow of her eyes dimming as a sign of her closing them in response.

"I didn't come up here to check on you. I actually came up here to talk to you about Shepard." He stiffened slightly, almost expecting to be reprimanded for the way he snapped at her. But the harsh words never came, just the gentle voice from the young girl in front of him. "She came down to see me in engineering to make sure I was okay working alone. Of course I told her I was fine, but I could tell that she wasn't. When I asked her if she was okay, she said not to worry about it."

Joker scoffed as the corner of his mouth twitched. _Of course she would say that. Always keeping up that image._

"I've been around her enough to know when something's wrong, even when she thinks she's hiding it. It's the subtle changes in her voice that not many seem to catch." Tali glanced off to the side for a moment and then back at the pilot. "It's the same with you."

Joker blinked and quickly shook his head. "Tali, what are you talking about?"

"You both are so alike, it's almost funny. But at the same time, it's kind of sad. Even though you both found each other, you're still unsure on what to do." Joker raised a questioning eyebrow at her. "Shepard has told me how crazy she is about you, but she's also voiced her frustrations about you to me. You hate being fussed over or even have someone worry about you. She's the same way, you know. You both hide that you're all right, wanting to deal with it alone. So neither of you tries to seek the comfort you want from each other." Joker started to say something, but Tali raised her hand to stop him. She took a step back down the ramp. "You're not alone anymore, Joker. You don't have to face this by yourself." Tali turned and left him alone in the cockpit with those words to mull over.

It wasn't long before his console alerted him to new coordinates being requested. When he glanced back, Joker saw Shepard leaving the galaxy map for the elevator, but not before stealing a glance towards the cockpit. Even from far away he could see the conflict in her face. She wanted to see him but she wanted to give him space at the same time. _...Don't have to face this alone..._Joker forced out a sigh and stared past his console.

_This is retarded. She knows I'll be fine and I'm sure she'll be okay, too. We've both been through a lot of shit and came out the better for it._ He took of his hat and ran his hand through his hair. Keeping people an arm's length away worked well for him all his life. People didn't fuss over him and he liked it that way. But it also meant relationships were short or far and few between. Joker looked down at his legs with contempt. The frailty of everything from the waist down made him an outsider. But Shepard always found a way to look past made him feel normal even if he wasn't.

_God dammit, Jeff. You are the galaxy's biggest moron ever. You need her just as much as she needs you right now. So get off your crippled ass and get up there!_ Joker groaned and pushed himself out of the chair. His inner monologue finally convinced him to get to the elevator. Yet, as he reached for the call button he stopped. "What the hell do I say?"

* * *

Shepard turned the model ship over in her hands several times before she sighed and placed it back in the display case. As she pushed the door closed she turned around to find Joker standing in front of her. The sudden sight of him being there made her jump backwards, grabbing her chest in an effort to calm her suddenly jolted heart. "Jesus, Joker! I didn't even here you come in!" she breathed. A thousand questions ran through Joker's mind but none of them seemed to make sense. He spent a few minutes before getting in the elevator to her quarters going over what he'd say, but now words failed him. "Jeff, what's wrong?" He looked up at her and saw the look in her eyes. There wasn't an ounce of pity in those deep green eyes as she looked at him. He bit his lip trying to force something to come to mind. Instead he just slid his hand behind her head and pulled her into a fierce kiss. Shepard mewed in response at the sudden movement but didn't protest. She closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around him, holding him close.

Jenna felt her cheeks burn as matched Joker move for move against her. Thoughts of deep need started to churn knots in her stomach and she felt like nothing could break her of this. It wasn't until she reached up to caress his face that she pulled back. Her hand came back slick not with sweat from the heat of the moment, but from tears. Shepard stepped back slight to get a better look at Joker.

"Jeff, what-"

The look of desperation in his eyes cut her off. He was scared of what was going to happen in the next few hours. Scared of what happened not a few hours earlier. But more importantly, he was scared of what could happen, should this whole mission go wrong. Yet the only thing her could mutter out was, "Why me?"

Shepard quickly shook her head in confusion for a moment. "Why you?"

"Of all the people you've been around...why did you choose me?"

Jenna took in a deep breath and sighed. She interlaced their hands together before smiling gently. "Because you treated me like I wasn't really anything special." Joker's eyes narrowed in confusion. "People always treated me differently because I was a street kid. Like I was nothing more than an undisciplined trouble-maker. Then after Akuze everyone was so afraid to talk to me. Like at any moment I would fall apart into a tormented mess. But you..." She cupped his cheek in her hand. "You were such an asshole to me." Joker managed a laugh.

"So even though I was a complete jerk to you, you still fell in love with me? The whole cripple thing didn't turn you away at first?"

"Why would it?"

Not an answer Joker was expecting. Most people found his disability cute at first, but then annoying when they had to rearrange their plans around him. The confusion on his face brought about a chuckle from Shepard which in turn earned her a glare. "I was trapped behind leg braces and crutches and that didn't bother you one bit. Why?"

Shepard tilted her head to the side, trying to gauge her words carefully. She finally sighed and leaned back against her desk. "When I was a kid, I had a friend who took care of me as best he could when Rayna died. He had a disability himself, and I'm ashamed to admit it but I treated him differently. I was more careful when he was around even though he said I shouldn't. I just couldn't get over the fact that he couldn't do the things I could. Or at least I thought." Jenna crossed her arms lightly and chuckled at her memories. "I got into an argument with Danny one day and threw something at him out of blind rage. Luckily he dodged what ever it was I threw at him, but he retaliated by kicking my ass." Joker quirked a curious eyebrow at her. "Danny was blind."

Joker choked back a laugh at her expense. "You got your ass kicked by a blind guy?"

"Yep. Taught me a valuable lesson, too. Just because someone has a disability, it doesn't mean they can't beat the crap out of you." Jenna wrapped her arms around Joker and pulled him close, leaning her head against his chest. "Seriously, you never tried to be anything but yourself when I was around and that made me feel like I was normal. It was the reason why I liked you back on the old _Normandy_ and eventually..."

"Commander," EDI cut in. "You asked me to inform you when we were 20 minutes from the Omega-4 Relay. I have already informed the crew."

Shepard groaned and nodded to the AI. "Thank you, EDI." She stepped back slightly, but kept her hands locked at the small of Joker's back. "I guess you should get back to your station. But before you go, I have something for you." She retreated back to her display case and lifted out the now finished model of the _SSV Normandy_. "I finished it just in time."

Joker was almost afraid to take it from her as she placed it in his hands. He ran his hands over every detail from the nose to the wings. As he turned it over, he noticed small lettering etched into the bottom. It was his initials carefully carved into the model. Joker looked up at her with a grin on his face. "It's beautiful," he breathed.

"Of course, she'll have to stay up here with the rest of my ships, but you can come up and see her when ever you want." Even though the words were innocent enough to anyone listening, Joker caught every bit of invitation hidden within it. She let him place the model back where it belonged before pulling him in a tight hug. "When this is all over, you and I are going to take a _very_ long shore leave."

"Just say the word, ma'am and I'll take you where ever you wish." He gave her a mock salute before heading back to the elevator. Even with the impossible odds against them, Joker was determined to make sure they made it to that vacation awaiting the two of them.

* * *

Translations:

_Zhe jiu gou le! - _That's enough!


End file.
